The most important phone calls seem to come at the most inopportune time. It was a Tuesday in September and I had just dropped off Brooklyn at Mother’s Day Out and was heading to the car when the phone rang. It was Dallas Children’s Hospital calling to schedule Caitlyn’s PET scan for the following day and a port placement on Friday. It was Tuesday so I assumed they had the results from the biopsy given the appointments, yet when I asked she said they hadn’t received them. I didn’t understand the rush to schedule such invasive procedures without confirmation of results. The nurse was adamant we needed to schedule however I wouldn’t budge. We hung up and within a few minutes the oncologist called explaining the urgency. I heard everything from ‘When dealing with children everything moves faster,’ to ‘PET scans and surgeries are difficult to reschedule,’ and that ‘She was sure they would have the results in later that day or the next and wanted to have everything lined up so they could immediately begin chemo.’ Despite the logical explanations it still didn’t make sense. It was as if I was succumbing to their diagnosis without confirmation and I felt unrest.

From the beginning I had been praying for God’s wisdom and direction throughout this situation not really understanding what decisions we would be making. Now I knew. I asked her if I could call her back once I spoke with Barry. We prayed. Not what we wanted but what HE wanted. The answer was clear. She called back within the hour and I asked her if a couple days was going to make a difference because we didn’t want to do anything that would harm Caitlyn. She said No. Then I told her we would feel more comfortable waiting until the results came in to schedule the PET scan and port placement. If their diagnosis was right then Caitlyn would be spending every week in the hospital just like she had the past few weeks. Could they at least let her have this week off to enjoy as a ‘normal’ little girl. She agreed with the stipulation that if there were no open dates the following week she would still push for this week. We hung up and I felt at peace.

Day 17, Praying for Family

‘Show me your ways, teach me your paths, guide me in your truth’ (Psalm 25:4-5) If our children are to walk in  truth, as parents we need to be firmly grounded in the truth of God’s Word. If we desire that our children grow in godly character, we need to consistently model godly character.

Prayer: Lord, I place my family in Your loving hands today. I ask that You protect them by the power of Your name (John 17:12) I ask that You plant a hedge of protection around each of them.

The next day my aunt called and I gave her the update including Caitlyn asking me about God’s touch. After a minute or 2 my aunt asked if the church pastor had laid hands on her. Strange question I thought, like he had time for that. I knew they were praying for her in their weekly pastoral meetings and I’m sure during their prayer time but no one has physically laid hands on her. She explained maybe Caitlyn needed that, besides it was biblical.

I debated on calling our preschool director to see if that was possible. After all it was Wednesday afternoon and he would be teaching a class at church that night. I found myself dialing her number anyway. Immediately she agreed and said she would ask the pastor. Soon after I received a text saying he would love to and if we could be at the church around 7p. That night Pastor Glynn explained to Caitlyn what we were doing. He showed her a jar of olive oil he had from his trip to the Holy Land and he even explained the importance of using it with biblical reference. After anointing her with the oil he, along with our preschool director and several ‘deacons’, surrounded our family laying their hand on Caitlyn while they prayed. There was such power behind each and every word. His Holy Presence filled that room and I can only imagine the spiritual battle that took place. The very next morning on the way to school Caitlyn said she felt God’s touch! I knew God had answered our prayers and couldn’t wait to see how.

Thursday night we were attempting to remove a band aid off Caitlyn’s leg and she was hysterical. (Side bar…Her very first visit to the ER with the swollen leg the nurses inserted an IV only to have to readjust it due to the screw being defective. The result was intense pain and blood going everywhere. Needless to say she was traumatized, as we all were, and has since been terrified of needles and band aids.) After successfully removing the band aid and calming her down I laid down with her. She quietly told me that God wasn’t going to heal her leg. My heart skipped a beat. Why would she say that? Did Barry and I say anything to make her feel that God wouldn’t heal her? I told her not to say that and reminded her that God can do anything. I didn’t want doubt to enter into any of our hearts. The next morning I felt anxious during my quiet time and on the way to school all I could think about was what Caitlyn said.  As an adult, it’s hard to understand ‘unanswered prayers’. Mature Christians find difficulty experiencing the ‘waiting period’ and the various trials we have to endure. How is my baby girl going to understand God not healing her when that’s all she’s been asking for since Day 1? How does a 5 year old still have the ‘child like’ faith and trust in God when hearing the prayers and feeling His touch still results in pain? I had no answer.

Friday, September 30th at 2:15p Brooklyn and I were walking into the school to pick up Beckham and Caitlyn when I got the call. We ran back to the car and while sitting in the car pool line I heard the diagnosis. Dr. Ludwig said they received the biopsy results and Caitlyn had B lymphoblastic lymphoma. She followed up with how this was such a huge sigh of relief. She went on to say that this was their specialty with a 95% cure rate, less invasive therapy and the good news…no surgery. I would be lying if I said this was great news…obviously I was expecting to hear complete healing and honestly lymphoma sounded terrible. I sat in the car pool line devastated as she went on to explain the next steps…PET scan and bone marrow biopsy scheduled for Monday, surgery to insert the port on Tuesday and chemo would begin Wednesday. The world we knew was forever changed.

Saturday morning Caitlyn and I went to watch Karson play Upward Football and on the way to Beckham’s football game we decided to swing through the Sonic drive thru. As soon as I placed our order Caitlyn nonchalantly said…’Mom, God is going to heal me. Just not now.’ All the worries of how to explain to my child why God didn’t heal her subsided. I didn’t need to do anything. He speaks. She listens.

“Now faith is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1

The oncologist asked if we wanted to know the preliminary results when they performed the biopsy. We thought about it, but really what good is it to know what it ‘could be’? We’ve already had so many ups and downs within the past week we just wanted to know ‘what it is’. So our answer was “No”.

Unfortunatly no one shared this with the orthopedic doctor. He came in and went straight to the point. It’s a ‘blue cell tumor’ but we’re not sure what family it belongs to. I believe it’s…EWING CARCINOMA. Once again I was speechless. For 8 years I spent most of my time across the room from doctors responding with ease and presenting with confidence. Now I sat across the room from my sleeping baby girl and her medical professional completely at a loss for words. I cried and tried to make sense of what he was saying. Honestly I only heard a portion of what he said but I could tell it wasn’t good. The NP had tissues for me and I looked up and randomly asked…”Are you sure?”

His response…”Yes.” Me, “Could the results come back different.” Doctor, “Doubtful.”

Me, “But there’s still HOPE.”

He just looked at me, I’m assuming he thought I was in denial. It wasn’t a question but a statement. I truly believe that despite the wisdom bestowed on the medical community there is only one GREAT PHYSICIAN. He is the only one that I trust and until He gives the final diagnosis…there is still hope.

The doctor told us we would hear the results from the biopsy early next week. Those 7 days felt like an eternity, yet God created the heavens and the earth in that same time frame. Looking back I realize he was busy at work in ours. Early Sunday morning on our way to church Caitlyn was singing ‘There is power in the name of Jesus’. She kept repeating it and soon I joined in. My spirit rejoiced that even she knew (though maybe not intentionally) where the power lay! This was the first week Caitlyn was able to go back to school and she was ecstatic about seeing her friends, even if she was wheelchair bound. Every morning she woke up with a smile! Mid week Mrs. Felder told me Caitlyn was tired during rotations and her reading partner was upset she didn’t have anyone to read to. Caitlyn looked at her and said, “You can do it, Jesus lives in your heart.” Those simple words touched Mrs. Felder’s heart so much it made her cry.

On Tuesday morning I finished Day 16 ‘Praying Extraordiarily’and was stuck on “At times, we get distracted by all that is going on in our lives personally and we can’t see the bigger picture of what God is up to.”

“Doubt is putting your circumstances between you and God. Faith is putting God’s promises between you and your circumstance.” ~Mark Batterson

On the way to school we were praying, as we do every day, when I heard one of the most powerful prayers I’ve heard Caitlyn say. Usually it’s quiet and repetitive but today it was bold. She thanked God for all his blessings and for being a ‘Good Good Father’ because that is who He is. She prayed that God would be with the ‘children that are hurting at the hospital and their mommy and daddy’s’. She asked God to heal her leg. I felt chills! Then immediately after the AMEN she asked me a question I will NEVER forget.

“Mommy, how come I haven’t felt God’s touch?” 

I had to ask again because surely I didn’t hear her right…God’s touch? She repeated it exactly! I’m sure in the past we’ve prayed for God’s healing touch but I never imagined her to pick up on that. I immediately panicked. How do I answer this? All I could muster up was that we don’t have to feel his physical touch to know He is healing. But before I could say another word Beckham chipped in…

Caitlyn, Jesus healed the blind man. He spoke and healed the 10 lepers, but only 1 came back to Thank him (I love he added that part). If he healed them he can heal you!

Caitlyn said “Oh yeah.”

That was all she needed…scriptural words from a child! Tears were falling like a waterfall and all I could do was Thank God! Thank Him for allowing my 6 year old son to preach his Word. Thank Him that despite the situation we were in this was a small reminder that their spiritual faith and growth was far more important than physical healing. Thank Him that he allowed us to experience His love that day like never before.

After I dropped Beckham and Cailtyn off at school I headed to drop off Brooklyn at Mother’s Day Out. I spoke with Mrs. Yevonne and was on my way out the door when our MDO director, Keri Montgomery, stopped me to share a song that was on her heart that morning when she was praying for Caitlyn. The hymnal was ‘Jesus paid it all’ and the verse that stuck in her head was…

“Lord, now indeed I find. Thy power and Thine alone. Can change the leper’s spots and melt the heart of stone.”

She spoke about the mention of lepers and that leprosy was the ‘cancer’ of that time yet He could change the lepers spots. Lepers again? Beckham just spoke of the 10 that were healed and now this. I knew it was not a coincidence but confirmation that there is ‘power in the name of Jesus’.