Two months ago today, on September 15th, I was on my way home from dropping Beckham off at school and this song came on. It’s always brought me to tears, however, it couldn’t have come on at a more perfect time! 

Trust in you by Lauren Daigle 

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Each verse a testament to what was to come. In just a few hours we would be heading to Dallas Children’s Hospital to meet with an oncologist for Caitlyn. I just laid my head back and cried. 

The day before, I was subbing at the school when Caitlyn’s teacher called me shortly after her lunch. I had just dropped off my class at specials, so I went to meet her. The minute I turned the corner I saw her walking with Caitlyn. She pointed at Caitlyn’s knee and I stopped in my tracks; it was huge. At least double the size it was when we left this morning. I tried to carry her to the nurse but she insisted on walking. 15 minutes later we were heading to the doctor. Our pediatrician had left for the day so they said the earliest we could see Dr. Mann would be at 3p. We took our chances and sat in the waiting area. It was a little before 1p and Dr. Mann walked by and within a few minutes we were in a room. The swelling concerned him so he sent us to the ER to have X-rays and labs done faster. 

Several hours later we found ourselves in a room with the ER doctor and Dr. Mann hearing the inconceivable. They found a large lesion surrounded by tissue mass on our daughters right femur that caused it to break. The femur is the strongest bone in the body so they were very concerned and the X-ray confirmed what they believed was a tumor. They said we would be heading to Dallas here in a few minutes to meet with an oncologist and orthopedic surgeon. 

WHAT??? 

There’s NO way! She complained briefly that morning about her leg hurting, but I chalked it up to growing pains. She had been walking ALL morning refusing to be carried, so how could there be a break? Caitlyn is NEVER sick, how can they talk about a tumor? We just started our 40 Day prayer and fasting…how could this happen? 

When the doctor told us he would give us a few minutes to process the information I went numb. I would need more than a few minutes to understand what was happening! As soon as they left I looked to Barry as if he could somehow ‘fix’ this. When I saw his face I knew it was real. I just broke down, more like wailing, and somehow I mustered 4 words…’I trust you Lord.’ Over the next few days I repeated those words more often than not. Sometimes as a question, sometimes as a statement but mostly through tears. After we collected ourselves we went back to the room to see this sweet face…Seeing her smile without any care in the world made me realize everything was going to be okay. God was in complete control. I smiled and held my baby girl. Dr. Mann spoke to Dallas Children’s and since it was late they would schedule an appointment the next day and tonight we could go home, cuddle up and watch a movie with our babies. Dr. Mann came in to tell Caitlyn her leg was broken and his friends in Dallas would make it all better. When they left we asked her how she broke her leg knowing full well she would have an incredible story to share. Without hesitation she went on…

That night I picked up my phone to google bone tumors. That’s what we do right?!? Look to google for answers. I was about to click on the link and He spoke to my heart…’Do you trust me!’ I had to decide and I chose Him! I trust Him with Caitlyn and most of all with this situation. He is the Great Physician and Lord of all. If that sounds unbelievable to you, I can understand why seeing we live in a society where it’s hard to trust anyone let alone a ‘Supernatural healer.’  But when I face circumstances beyond my control I reach out to my Father! He has never failed me and never will. If faith is something you lack than take this opportunity to lay your burden before him for no other reason than to allow Him to show you his love and power. Instead of drowning in fear and worry put your trust in the Father and watch Him work.  

‘Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.’ Ephesians 3:20

 Caitlyn is our joy and full of compassion. She loves life and lives it to the fullest. She smiles and the room lights up. He chose her for a purpose and I trust Him to fulfill said purpose. 

For those going through difficult or confusing times I encourage you to listen to the song. I hope it brings you as much comfort as it brought me:

‘Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings. There’s not a day ahead You have not seen. So, in all things be my life and breath. I want what You want Lord and nothing less.

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move. When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through. When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You. I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!’